The Myth of “Healthiness.”
Being healthy is not a place in life that we reach, it’s a lifestyle that we choose to live.
There are so many mixed messages in our society, families and social groups that cause confusion on what healthy looks like. There are messages that being healthy means we have everything figured out, that we have no self-esteem issues, that we are able to manage our feelings and emotions without involving other people, or that we have our diet and weight under control.
Although from an outside perspective, it might look like there are people out there who really seem to have their lives “all figured out” or “under control,” seeing anyone else through this perfectionistic lens completely distorts our perceptions about ourselves, the world around us, and what being healthy and human really means.
We are all human, which means we are all imperfect. Being truly healthy is when we are able to fully accept our flaws AND continue to grow and change despite them.
Oftentimes, there is a narrative that is created by all of these mixed messages that say things like “If I could work on this one thing, maybe I could be good enough” “If only I had as much confidence as that person, I could achieve so much more,” or “If I could only lose a little more weight, I might be desirable again.” The problem with these narratives is that they are focused on the perceptions that lay outside of ourselves. We have this idea that in order to be “healthy,” we need to achieve certain goals or obtain certain personality traits, rather than learning to accept ourselves and love ourselves in the moment.
Sounds easy enough, right? Unfortunately, there are so many messages that go against this in the media, our families, and even our most intimate relationships. Here are some myths that might sound familiar to you:
Myth: Healthy people have their emotions under control and never need support
Truth: Pursuing a healthy lifestyle is about being in touch with your emotions enough to listen to them, understand them, and communicate how they are impacting you in your relationships with others.
Myth: Healthy people are always confident
Truth: Our confidence is always changing. Pursuing a healthy lifestyle means when insecurities come up, we are able to acknowledge them, check in with how they might be impacting our confidence, and we are able to openly talk about our insecurities with trusted and supportive people in our lives.
Myth: Healthy people never doubt themselves.
Truth: Pursuing a healthy way of thinking means we can make room for doubt, fears, and insecurities while acknowledging that our imperfections do not define us or what we are capable of. Instead of festering in this feeling of doubt or fear, we can begin to establish healthier coping mechanisms that help restore our confidence and motivate us to conquer any obstacles that stand in the way of our goals.
As illustrated in the above myth vs. truth statements, this is what we call cognitive reframing in the psychology world. We’re taking these thoughts that so frequently go through our brains and rather than accepting them as truth, we are reframing these thoughts into healthier beliefs about ourselves and others. Shifting our focus towards pursuing a healthy lifestyle rather than categorizing people as healthy or unhealthy, opens us to a new perspective on humanity. As mentioned in the beginning, healthiness is not a place in life we reach. There is no start or finish line to health. Our physical and emotional health are always changing depending on the circumstances of our life. Rather than fixating on this idea that someday we’ll have it all figured out, we can start to roll with the resistance, embrace our flaws and the challenges that life throws at us, and accept that we are on a journey of healing rather than a mission to achieve being healthy.
Regardless of what insecurities, fears, or circumstances we experience in life, we can all live our healthiest life at this very moment.
About The Author
Hannah Brooks, APCC, AMFT is an associate therapist at Whole Wellness Therapy and has extensive experience working with marginalized populations in our community. Hannah is passionate about working with teens and adults struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem issues, substance use issues, codependency, grief and loss, or any range of challenges that are preventing someone from being where they want to be in life. She is also drawn to working with individuals who are seeking a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships with others.
