TAKE THE QUIZ AND FIND OUT
Why are we a top couples counseling provider in Sacramento? Because we offer a comprehensive therapy approach to relationship issues that has been clinically proven to show significant improvements in approximately 90% of couples (1).
Take the quiz below to learn about the state of your relationship.
Why Did I Get The Score That I Did?
When we talk we talk about difficult or challenging issues in a safe and relaxed way.
Being able to discuss issues in a calm and safe way is the minimum of couples communication. If you feel unsafe you can't express yourself.
My partner accepts my apologies
An apology has to be accepted to really count. If you find yourself apologizing often or not at all, and/or these apologies are ignored. There aren't serious resolutions to your conflicts. If these aren't resolved your relationship can get irritable and high stakes.
I regularly try to see my partner's perspective on things.
One major aspect of successful communication with your partner is empathy. If you can not empathize with where your partner is coming from, communication is sure to meet some serious roadblocks.
When we argue, we use sarcasm, contempt or name calling.
These three things are the biggest things to look for in your arguments. If you see any of these, your relationships will need serious work. Each represents a core tenet of your relationship, if any of that core is weak, a relationship can (and often do) fall apart.
When we fight or argue, we raise our voices.
While raised voices during a fight is understandable very rarely, it's hard to find a situation in day to day life when it is acceptable. Yelling at your partner is a sign of contempt, so ask yourself, how do I feel about my partner?
I feel that I can trust what my partner says to me.
Trust is a major foundation for a relationship. If you are sharing your lives together, you have to be sure that you can trust your partner in major ways, including your partner's word.
I admit when I am wrong about something.
Both always admitting that you are wrong and never admitting that you are wrong are both signs of poor boundaries. Never admitting that you are wrong is usually worse, as it never allows any arguments to resolve on good (mutually beneficial) terms.
I feel comfortable talking about sexual issues with my partner.
Sex is an important part of a relationship. If you feel that your sexual needs aren't being understood or appreciated, that is a red flag.
We go to bed angry.
Going to bed angry on a regular basis is a bad sign for the state of your relationships. Usually it means you cant resolve emotional conflicts well.
Even when we disagree, I feel like my partner has respect for my opinions.
Any feelings of contempt are a deathknell to a relationship. The best antidote to contempt is respect.
When we speak, I feel like my partner is really listening.
Most quality communication really boils down to listening skills. Many people come into a relationship not being able to listen well, and it only leads to more troubles with their partner.
I side with my partner in conflicts with others.
How you defend your partner against others shows how highly you think of them. Actions speak louder than words.
We often assume what each another is thinking.
While this does generally sound like a good thing, if you are always assuming what the other is thinking it can drive a wedge between a relationship as misunderstandings and arguments ensure.
If things get too heated we change the topic and move on.
This isn't the best approach, instead it allows unhealthy feelings to fester. Communication should be worked on until you are able to “pull back” and change your approach to the issue.
We can be kind to each other even in a disagreement.
This is the goal for any healthy arguments. Couples that are able to draw on a deeper well of overall connection and intimacy (and so remain kind to each other even when arguing) are better able to withstand serious challenges.
Our relationship is at risk during disagreements or confrontations.
For most disagreements your relationships should never be at risk. If you feel that you are walking on eggshells while you talk with your partner, that is a major red flag.
Communication is a Small Part of Relationships
Communication is just one of the many things that influence relationship quality. For many couples the root of the issue isn't how we talk, but how we feel. As we see it at Whole Wellness Therapy, intimacy is the real key to relationship satisfaction. If you feel that you need to have a better assessment of your relationship or a place to discuss your concerns, contact one of our therapists today.
Get started today with couples therapy in Sacramento or online.
Led by the right therapist, relationship counseling or couples counseling keeps the conversation on a positive path, where skills are learned and solutions are developed for lasting success. Don't put connection on hold. Reach out to me to get started today. Read more: CA Couples Counseling